Ixlusions

When it comes to life I am facing teenage issues at the age where I was supposed to enjoy the luxury of proudly living it the way I wanted. No matter how stupid my choices were at least they were mine. Everybody deserves a chance, so did I. My choices might have sounded stupid to you but trust me they were harmless. Only if I was supported enough maybe staying hidden wouldn’t have been my only choice now. Being treated the way the world treats everyone might not have been this scary just if the home treated me the way it was supposed to be.

You ask me how the home is supposed to treat someone?
: The home is supposed to be a calming place in this chaotic world. The place where there shouldn’t be any place for judgments. A place you can trust enough to take off the self-made mask that helps you to deal with the world because home is supposed to be a healthy, positive environment.

I am not saying that I am hurt. I have passed that stage way sooner. I am just tired. Tired of the emotional cycle we all are a part of. I am not saying that I am perfect but I am just a human who feels a lot. I have seen it all. And if there is one thing that I am sure of in this entire world is that no one can understand my home better than I do. No one can be there for my people like I can. How come I say this so confidently? It’s just through all this time when I isolated myself to help me get over the emotional damage caused, I observed it all. I tried to understand the reason behind you all behaving that way. And guess what I succeeded in getting the answer I was looking for.

No wonder after all these years I am still mentally strong enough to bear more damage. I regret giving into your issues. I regret the fact that I understand you because it is making giving up hard for me. It is true that I have lost myself while keeping up with you a long time ago. But see I am still here because I know the feeling of not being understood. I know how it breaks you when at the end of the day when there’s no one to be there for you. I know the feeling of not being accepted the way you are. I know the feeling of being compared and getting forced into being someone you’re not because society has “standards” that you’re supposed to keep up with. I know it all.

Therefore, even though I am all empty from inside I still am standing here for my home. Even if I am useless. At least I somehow still know the feeling of being home even though I never had that luxury.

Home is supposed to be a safe, warm place. Not a place to constantly remind you of your flaws. Home has the power to make a person love their flaws and also to make the most beautiful person have insecurities. Home is supposed to silently be there for you in your highs and lows without making you feel the pressure of being watched. Home is supposed to accept, respect, and understand your choices because finding who we really are what is the best for us is our own job. The world is enough to abruptly make us realize what is working for us and what is not. Home is supposed to understand your pace and be patient with you in this journey.

I hope that this time the people will choose not to treat their future homies how they were treated. I know it will be difficult for us but trust me it will save a lot of people from being emotionally damaged. In a world where we talk about everything else, I hope people will give more attention to the place called home because that’s where it all begins.