Ixlusions

Batch 2019-2022 is one of the most happening batches out there. It was the batch that had to face the pandemic after all.

After like one and a half years of being locked up in my own room with my own thoughts I was so excited when the reopening of colleges was announced.

My innocent self then made a promise to me that this time I’ll live each and every remaining second of my college life without caring about a thing because the heart knew what my mind didn’t.

Sadly, this promise came with a time limit that I was unaware of… not really but I totally didn’t expect it to end this quickly since soon after the beginning of the old normal I was handed the notice of “the college farewell 2022”.

I blanked out but nevertheless, I choose to just live in the moment, and then I got super excited about the fact of getting all dressed up and having a good time with my fellow batchmates. It was the last celebration with them after all.

Soon after the farewell day came. Time indeed travels faster when you’re not ready to let some things go.

I remember being the most excited one just a day before the farewell. I couldn’t sleep the whole night because of some weird feeling in my chest and once again without giving it much thought I decided to just name that feeling “excitement”.

How can I ignore that I was awfully quiet the whole time?

Then the farewell day came. I was completely awake by 6. That’s a rare sight to see if you ask me.

Left the house earlier than I was supposed to. Maybe because by that time my heart got a hold of what my mind knew this time. So, the best thing I could’ve come up with at that time was to distract myself from getting ready for what was about to come.

Was I prepared? Totally not.

I don’t exactly remember how the party went if you ask me because I was kind of mentally occupied the whole time.

When I finally got my senses back I found myself leaving the college while observing everything one last time. The worn-out smiles on everyone’s faces after dancing for hours looked beautiful to me. It was a sight I photographed in my memory. I didn’t really talk much to anyone that day. It’s hard to focus when you are feeling heavy at heart.

Not going to lie, this farewell party hit me like a truck. Never knew how hidden I was from the reality behind the name tag of being a mere college student.

I wonder if they also felt this emptiness in their chests once they settled down to finally sleep at their home after saying their last goodbyes at college that day?

I wonder if ever since that day they are also questionably quiet and have themselves locked up in their rooms to chase the peace their inner selves might have seemed to be losing these days?

I wasn’t even one of those who you usually see in big groups at college. But still, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m just a human who is bad with goodbyes. Also, now that I think about it I don’t remember saying the same to anyone that day.

I just silently choose to disappear.

That’s how it has always been. I sometimes think I feel too much. I know this is not the end of it all it’s just that it’s too sudden for my sensitive self to cope with.

I’m just happy that I got meet all of the new people I met at college. Even tho it was for a short time but still, all of it is in my memory on the positive side.

I had to pen my thoughts down before I get myself together and move on ahead in life. So, this is where it finally ends now.

Goodbye, you all <3.